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Jul
08

M.S. Dhoni Captaining World Cup

South Asian Humor Column

Will M.S. Dhoni Captain World Cup 2019

Humor Column by: Bhishma Kukreti
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Yesterday was great captain Dhoni’s birth day. I wanted to write about MSD. However, already so much is written about Mahi that I did not have anything to write new. Even, nothing is left for me writing on Dhoni as manager he whole day, through Whatsapp, my readers were asking me for writing about Mahendra Singh Dhoni. I had to write. Everything is known to readers about the Past of Dhoni. Only his future was unknown.
For knowing the future of Dhoni, I met a cricket correspondent in a club. He was sitting at bar with ice bawl on his first slip and cashew nuts at second slip and ‘masala papar’ at gully. I ordered vodka with tonic for him and a rum with coke for me, and asked,” What are the chances for Dhoni captaining in World Cup?”
The cricket expert gulped vodka, readjusted the cashew nuts from second to first slip and masala papar to the boundary of the table and answered, “It depends on the pitch conditions of Anurag Thakur and Sharad Pawar and the lost chemistry between Arun Jetaly and former cricketer Kirti Azad. I would rather wait for a while before giving my decision for what Kirti Azad runs for.”
I ordered a gin with tonic for him and a gin with mineral water for myself, and asked, “But, Dhoni is sweating very much in Gym on daily basis for his fitness for world cup 2019.”
“Yes! Dhoni is working hard for killing his age effects” the expert said, catching the Chicken fine leg and pushing pea nuts bawl towards my corner and putting again it slightly square,” For that matter, every cricketer is sweating in Gyms because of rainy season. Sweating in Gym is not the guarantee for getting captaincy in world cup.”
“ His reflexes are better than many Ranji Trophy wicket keepers” I said and ordering Vodka with Rum and Tiquira for the expert and Whisky with Eau-de-vie on the rock for myself.
Dhoni is not kept in Indian side for wicket keeping.” He said replacing pork tenderloin by chijeu-buldak at third man.
“Still Mahendra Singh is finest finisher in the world though, at present running a bad form” ordering ‘rakia’ with ‘mastika’ for the expert and ‘chacha’ with quzo without water for myself.
“ Dhoni is kept in team not for batting” said the cricket encyclopedia , pulling lamb tagine from my crease to his boundary.
“Well! you and as per other journalists experts, Dhoni is kept in Indian team or for that matter any tem in IPL for Captaincy and neither for wicket keeping nor for finisher batsman.” Ordering whatever drinks bar tender suggested without water for the both.
“It is the question that every journalist wishing to answer for increasing the Chanel TRP and by that protecting his own reputation” pushing lamb fricassee towards off side and pulling chicken nuggets from the deep cover.
“That is why I came to you” I said.
“It all depends on the action of Kirti Azad.” He answered by surprising me, and throwing Kuruvadu Thokku skeletons.
“What does Kirti Azad have to do with Dhoni captaining ? I asked, ordering Deshi Daru (country liquor) for final kick.
He opened,” See! If Kirti Azad patches with Aurn Jaitley then Mohendar Amarnath would also patch and automatically, Ashok Malhotra, Ashok Sharma and Gautam Gambhir would come on Jaitley side. That chorus is utterly against Dhoni. Their influences on Jaitley will see that Dhoni is not in Indian team and not in Jharkhand team too.”
“I don’t think Azad will patch up with Jaitley.” I said, ordering more Deashi Daru for real final kick.
‘Then, nobody can stop Dhoni captaining world cup. The expert said and gulping three Deshi daru glasses at a time.
I was thinking about the drink that could give us real kick and did not say anything.
The great Indian cricket expert asked me,” What do you think about chances of Dhoni remaining captain for the world cup?”
I answered seriously,” If Dhoni kills the male goat for sacrifice in the Ranchi Devi Temples he would lose the captaincy and if he does not kill the male goat for his own success he will be captaining world cup.”
Great cricket expert bent and touching my legs said,” Pundit Ji! Salute to you. I was in search for a story lead on Dhoni. Now, I will research on Dhoni killing animals for his success”

8//7/2016, Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai
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